Have you always felt guilty for not always being present for your friends?
Maybe you haven’t replied to them right away, or maybe you declined a plan for a hangout, or maybe you just needed some time alone. Suddenly you’re out questioning whether you’re being an awful friend or not.
In a world that glorifies constant availability and quick replies, choosing yourself can feel selfish, even when it’s necessary. However, the truth is, needing space doesn’t make you selfish, cold, or distant.
It doesn’t make you a bad friend—it makes you human. And those friends who are truly real will understand you.
With the rise of social media and fast modes of communication—rapid replies and immediate ‘seen’ receipts—have reshaped how we view availability. This has also reformed how we view friendships—with availability often being equal to being a good friend, and slow and distant replies meaning being a bad friend.
There is always a pressure to respond, to always be around, and to be present and available just to prove that you’re a good friend. However, this is not always an easy task, especially in the world of adulthood. It’s hard most especially for people who are struggling with mental health, for people who are introverts and find peace in their solitude, or just for people who are busy navigating through adulting.
It’s important to remember that needing your own space doesn’t equate to being a bad friend. While catching up often with your friends is important, constant communication—or the lack thereof—isn’t always a basis of friendship. Not responding immediately doesn’t mean you’re drifting apart or outgrowing each other or just overall being an awful friend.
We don’t expect our coworkers or romantic partners to be in constant contact 24/7, so why do we need to put that pressure on our friends? True friendship is measured by how safe you feel to be yourself without them, and not feel guilty about it.
Healthy friendship is being able to say, “Hey, I just need a few days to recharge”, or “I may not reply to you these days”, without the fear of hurting the other person. It’s knowing that you can go quiet for a bit to recharge without constantly worrying about offending them.
In true and stable friendships, having to ask for space isn’t taken personally. Instead, it’s respected. The best friends won’t guilt you for needing rest; they’ll understand, and they’ll still be there when you’re ready to reconnect.
Friendship shouldn’t feel like a full-time job that demands constant updates, replies, and emotional labor just to prove it’s real. The truth is, the healthiest friendships give you room to rest, to breathe, and to just be yourself without the guilt. We are constantly growing and going through difficult circumstances in our lives, and sometimes that means wrapping ourselves in our own cocoons once in a while. That doesn’t mean we are leaving our friends behind at all.
Retreating to find our solitude is normal, and that’s okay! The friends who matter will understand that.